My Angels

This morning I went outside while it was still dark. I stood and looked up at the sky, ablaze with stars while Chance rummaged around the gardens and listened for sounds from the woods. The girls were in the kitchen pouring coffee and running down lists of what they had packed. Chuck paced back and forth across the windows, gathering last minute things, putting donuts in a bag. Our girls were leaving on an early flight.

Their laughter spilled out the screen door, across the lawn to where I stood. Two months together and every day I thought about this moment, the moment it would end.

Our nest had been empty for two years so I was aware this time around. My breast cancer had given us the excuse we needed... "A gift" we said to each other so many times it felt like Christmas every day and I started to lose track of where the cancer ended and the joy began. An unexpected gift. I savored every second.

Now I was healed and it was time for my angels to fly. Standing alone in the dark I gathered the strength I would need to let them go. Memories floated around me so vididly I could touch them. Little things from the first days after my surgery... a water glass that never seemed to empty, my foot rest magically adjusted when I needed, a pot of soup simmering on the stove just as my appetite began to awaken. And then as I grew stronger...walks to the ocean, lunches out, dinners in, movies that made us laugh until we cried.

I was held when I needed it most but I think I can let go now. I think I am strong enough to walk alone, to let my angels fly.